Tuesday, November 08, 2011

The Horrors of a Blank Screen

I've been having a really tough time blogging lately. It's not for lack of material - there's plenty going on here to share. It's motivation. When I sit down, I always think that there are other, more productive things I could be doing. I could be doing laundry, dusting or any other cleaning related activity. I could be organizing something. I could be . . . feeding homeless people. Or I could be telling funny/interesting/weird/mundane stories about my life.

Or it could also be that when I sit down and think about what to share about what is going on in my life, I get anxious and start to think too much. (Seriously, I almost had a panic attack going to sleep last night. With no distractions, mind just started going.) It's tough owning a small business in this economy. (Oh. My. Goodness. Did I just write that very cliche and very adult phrase?!? See why I haven't been blogging?) It's the same reason that I don't work out - I can't give my mind an opening to wander. At this point I feel that I need to always have something coming in so that I don't have a chance to think about where we are. I really do not like being negative in my posts so I'm kind of following the advice that Thumper's mom gave him: If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all.

Lately I've gotten really involved in some television shows that are very dark. This is telling, I think. I've been shunning regular TV shows for so long because I haven't wanted to fill my time with the screen. However, again, I'm finding that I don't want to give myself any mental down time so I'm filling that time with more input. But also, I'm watching shows in which the characters have it SO much worse than I do that it does leave me feeling a bit better. I mean, I'm not trying to survive in a world post-zombie apocalypse. I'm not living in a haunted house. And I'm not trying to fun my cancer treatments by cooking meth. All I'm just trying to do is keep my kids from destroying each other while I demand respect from them during a time when my husband is traveling a lot trying to keep our business healthy.

So . . . what to do. What to do.

I know, I'll get caught up on Breaking Bad.

No comments: