Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The End of an Era

Buddy is now sleeping in a big boy bed. He's almost officially a big boy (he's still in pull-ups, the last hurdle to the big boy potty has not been crossed). I don't know how I feel about that.

Buddy has made the transition from crib to bed just fine. I'm the one having trouble! That crib has been assembled and in use in our house for almost six years. I can't get used to the fact that we're getting rid of all of our baby stuff. We're not going to have another baby. Ever. Wow. I'm not so sure that I like the finality of that.

It's been almost three years since I last gave birth. I know I have forgotten a lot, but I haven't forgotten everything. Babies are a lot of work with not much payoff for the first three or four months. (After that time, they start smiling. That rocks.) Things are constantly coming up - sleep issues, teething, weaning, trying solid foods, etc. It seems that once you get used to one schedule or one phase it's over and the next phase brings on an entirely new schedule! (Today is an example - Princess graduated from kindergarten. She's actually about to be in a GRADE!) But the maternal instinct is hard to suppress once it's activated. When you know that you are more responsible for this little thing than you've ever been in your life, when you know that if you did not do your job, this little being would not make it, when you realize that this little person bonded with you and knows that you will supply it with every need you can . . . that's so incredibly humbling and (dare I say it) addicting.

It's not power. At least, it's not for me. I don't feel power over my children. I feel a sense of responsibility and an overwhelming sense of humility. God has chosen me to shape these two little lives. It's actually beyond words so I don't know why I'm trying!

I fought Hubby when he wanted to take the crib down. I was not happy about it. Most of it was just the sleep issue thing with Buddy - we have had almost six months of really great nights and I didn't want to change ANYTHING for fear that it would rock the boat. But in the back of my mind, I just didn't want the symbol of babyhood to be gone. Getting rid of the crib is one step closer to Buddy and Princess not needing me like they do now. I go into Buddy's room and it's the room of a little boy - not a baby or even a toddler. I'm the mother of a 1st grader and a preschooler. Oh no . . . am I getting old? Is this about ME? (Isn't everything?!) ;-)

There are some phases that I'm glad are over - teething, 4 a.m. feedings, the stage where they can't walk really well, but want to do it without help . . . in a two story house - but there are some things I want to hang on to just a little while longer. I'm glad that I have Hubby to gently, but firmly, push me into letting go when I need to.

One of the most important things that my parents did for me and my brother was that they always treated us the age that we were. I don't ever remember being babied nor do I remember being asked to do things that were beyond me. I realize that I have to do that with my own children. I just didn't realize that it would be so hard!

1 comment:

gina said...

It looks like once again, we went through something at about the same time. I cried and cried the day X-man's crib/toddler bed was removed from the room. I wasn't ready. But boy, he was.

Love you!